Could I Ever Fall In Love Again?
Being widowed is sometimes difficult when dealing with matters of the heart. When my husband died in 2006 and the New Year fast approaching, it was just accepting the loss that was the first hurdle. I went through Grief Counselling in March through May of 2007 but at that time I had placed a greater burden on myself by stopping my anti-depressant that I had taken since 1998 (Zoloft). I was getting hammered from without and within. I had everyone in my family wanting me off of them because they were worried about how my grief would go along with the side effects.
When I started to take a different anti-depressant, after my husband's death, at first there were several and many times I was out of it. My sisters tell me things now that I did that I don't remember doing. Finally I got straightened out and ended up on Paxil but now I was on two high-blood pressure medicines but I was feeling better.
I heard it said that depression runs in the family and my heart goes out to my older cousin who has been placed on a anti-depressant.
Sometimes I will think of my husband's last days on earth in I.C.U. The kids each drew a picture for him. I pasted their school pictures on them and took them to his room. My late husband lied motionless in the bed ,eyes closed hooked to a machine. I told him what the children had done, showed him the pictures and taped them up on the wall. I guess in some way I was hoping he heard me, wake up and look at them.
After he died, I remember telling myself that I wasn't going to get involved with any one ever again. I think everyone who has lost someone tells themselves that. You feel very vulnerable, just looking for a comforting word or shoulder and yet you are scared in what will happen.
I made a friend in a person I never thought I would. He still means a lot to me and my kids because he understood the pain we were going through. He always worried about us, just his way. It seems like every major difficulty that my daughter has faced and is facing; she always does better when he is around, even if its reading his notes and not seeing him.
A few years back, he had to return home and care for his parents. There's lot to be said about a man who loves his family. Its a wonderful thing and I have always understood that, always will because I had watched my mother go through it too. I had written a couple of blogs where I have been kinda down, its hard to feel hopeful some days and trusting men is more difficult for me since my husband's death.
I placed my trust in my friend, why? because he told me I could trust in him and how he wouldn't hurt me. I do believe that and I still love and care for him greatly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him and how much patience and caring he had shown me. I thank him for that..so could I ever fall in love again? The answer is pretty obvious and I hope he reads this because ..I love him very much!
When I started to take a different anti-depressant, after my husband's death, at first there were several and many times I was out of it. My sisters tell me things now that I did that I don't remember doing. Finally I got straightened out and ended up on Paxil but now I was on two high-blood pressure medicines but I was feeling better.
I heard it said that depression runs in the family and my heart goes out to my older cousin who has been placed on a anti-depressant.
Sometimes I will think of my husband's last days on earth in I.C.U. The kids each drew a picture for him. I pasted their school pictures on them and took them to his room. My late husband lied motionless in the bed ,eyes closed hooked to a machine. I told him what the children had done, showed him the pictures and taped them up on the wall. I guess in some way I was hoping he heard me, wake up and look at them.
After he died, I remember telling myself that I wasn't going to get involved with any one ever again. I think everyone who has lost someone tells themselves that. You feel very vulnerable, just looking for a comforting word or shoulder and yet you are scared in what will happen.
A few years back, he had to return home and care for his parents. There's lot to be said about a man who loves his family. Its a wonderful thing and I have always understood that, always will because I had watched my mother go through it too. I had written a couple of blogs where I have been kinda down, its hard to feel hopeful some days and trusting men is more difficult for me since my husband's death.
I placed my trust in my friend, why? because he told me I could trust in him and how he wouldn't hurt me. I do believe that and I still love and care for him greatly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him and how much patience and caring he had shown me. I thank him for that..so could I ever fall in love again? The answer is pretty obvious and I hope he reads this because ..I love him very much!
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