Where Do The Lost , Down Trotted , and Depressed Find Self Worth
Time surely hasn't been kind , since my husbands passing in 2007, my children are no longer children and my health has deteriorated. its like Im looking at an old rundown house with beautiful flowers growing around it. Me the run down house, the kids the beautiful flowers.
An old classmate and I found each other on Facebook, he had problems and I or course did too, so when he asked me to marry him, at the moment I said yes, that was in January. Why? I just felt like somebody loved me, my mind raced with hope.
His past life was filled with a failed 30 year marriage, two kids , grandchildren and distraught girlfriends. While my youngest was and is finishing up High School, I haven't dated since my husbands death
I found myself every month finding him drunk and taking him countless times to rehab,his addition not limited to alcohol. Many times holding his hand and sticking by him while my parents and sisters watched in horror. His problem since High School were many and I befriended his mother, like me hoping I could bring light to her son, my parents, my sisters weren't happy , his past life clouded with so much. I also could never seem to please him , being compared to his exes. We argued so much , eventually I started to fear him. Down deeper into my depression I went and still going.
After awhile , I just became a girlfriend and marriage was out of the question. Im better being by myself ..he said. My family, my kids were something he didn't want to deal with.. He wanted pursue his dream. Convinced he hadn't much time left.
So tonight after fighting ear infections in both ears, down, depressed , I told him to go.
I started evaluating myself worth, knowing that my hearing is worse or will be, my hours at work almost nothing, my cousin and uncle fighting cancer. Just felt less than worthy of anything. Down to nothing but just the love of my family, my children, that's something , just enough where I can find my strength.
Please pray for me, my kids and my family my friends, as once again, facing that uphill battle, hopefully those reading will find a point to this and gain perspective . my love to all
An old classmate and I found each other on Facebook, he had problems and I or course did too, so when he asked me to marry him, at the moment I said yes, that was in January. Why? I just felt like somebody loved me, my mind raced with hope.
His past life was filled with a failed 30 year marriage, two kids , grandchildren and distraught girlfriends. While my youngest was and is finishing up High School, I haven't dated since my husbands death
I found myself every month finding him drunk and taking him countless times to rehab,his addition not limited to alcohol. Many times holding his hand and sticking by him while my parents and sisters watched in horror. His problem since High School were many and I befriended his mother, like me hoping I could bring light to her son, my parents, my sisters weren't happy , his past life clouded with so much. I also could never seem to please him , being compared to his exes. We argued so much , eventually I started to fear him. Down deeper into my depression I went and still going.
After awhile , I just became a girlfriend and marriage was out of the question. Im better being by myself ..he said. My family, my kids were something he didn't want to deal with.. He wanted pursue his dream. Convinced he hadn't much time left.
So tonight after fighting ear infections in both ears, down, depressed , I told him to go.
I started evaluating myself worth, knowing that my hearing is worse or will be, my hours at work almost nothing, my cousin and uncle fighting cancer. Just felt less than worthy of anything. Down to nothing but just the love of my family, my children, that's something , just enough where I can find my strength.
Please pray for me, my kids and my family my friends, as once again, facing that uphill battle, hopefully those reading will find a point to this and gain perspective . my love to all
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