Why Can't This Night Go On Forever

First before I get started on my Blog today, I want to thank those who take the time to read my post, that means so much to me knowing that. This is another difficult post for me because it is recalling a very painful part of my life. Many doctors out there will tell a patient that severe depression is passed down from their ancestors, in other words, someone in a person's past has suffered from this debiliating illness. I haven't talked too much about my depression and anxiety. I will be truthful, I still don't understand all of it and for many years I couldn't. The best I knew was that it was a chemical imbalance The link that I could possibily think of that the depression came from my mom's side. When my mom and dad got married on August 27, 1961, they rented and moved to about three different places and because of their growing family, many places back then kinda limited renting to people with children. My grandparents, my mothers parents, offered my folks their house. While they would live in their good size camper or some call trailer beside the house. My granparents also offered each one of their daughters the opportunity to built beside them. The farm they had was about 63 acers of tilliable land. About ten of it was made up of where my grandparents house, three outside sheds and the large barn that my great grandpa Havens built plus pasture for the dairy cattle. By the time mom and dad were married, Grandpa Havens had gotten out of dairy. I was born two months early on November 29, 1966 in my grandparents home. My grandma delierved me and I was born on her birthday. My name came from two different people actually. Years before my mother worked with a lady whose name happened to be Sally, mom liked the name but the main reason I got my name was from my grandma, whose name was Sarah but who my grandpa called Sally because he felt Sarah was much too serious of a name. Eventually my mom took her parents up on the offer to build on the land, which was the old pasture. I do have some memories of my childhood home being built and in 1970, the home was completed. It was really a modest little ranch home with only three bedrooms, one bath, a livingroom, kitchen and utility room. Us girls shared one room, my brother the other then of course mom and dad had a room. The reason I tell this is because living across from my grandparents, we became close to them. My dad's side was not good. My dad's real father left my grandmother when my dad was very little. When his parents divorced, my real grandfather took my dad's oldest brothers with him, leaving my grandmother, my dad and his brother Jim. My dad has no memory of his real father, nor did he ever want anything to do with him. My dad basically had his Grandpa Price and Uncle John Price (My granma's dad and brother) as male role models growing up. My dad's mother Wyvonne unfortunately remarried a man who set his sights on dad to abuse. Together with this man, my grandma had a daughter, a half sister to my father. My dad retained his father's name of Wells while my grandmother of course took the married name of Flemming. That is what we called my dad's mother, Grandma Flemming. Needless to say because of what went on in that family, we hardly seen Grandma Flemming. My moms parents became close to my father as well, my Grandma Havens called him her "Sunshine Boy" . My grandpa Havens became a father to my dad for the most part. In all reallity, Grandpa Havens was the only grandpa we knew. My Grandma Havens suffered with different ailments off and on all her life until high blood pressure caused her to have a stroke in 1974 leaving her paralized and unable to walk and talk. It was then my Grandpa Havens traded his sedan for a stationwagon to put grandma's wheelchair in for doctors appointments and such. My mom helped her dad care for her mother by bathing her, feeding her, tolieting her and at night helping her dad put her to bed. Those were rough days really for all of us but to us, it was what families did for eachother. I can still remember the abulance coming to take my Grandma Havens to the hospital, whenever she got bad. My mom standing in the kitchen, her face red from crying and grandfather telling her what had happened; I remember that vividly but I don't remember what had happened or what was said that morning. I just remember leaving the kitchen, out the door and onto the schoolbus. For two years, my mom helped Grandpa Havens with Grandma Havens. Dad would watch us in the evenings after work on weekdays, help grandpa Havens with the farming on the weekends. At times we stayed with mom, grandpa and grandma. My mom told me once that she remembers loading us kids up in the stationwagon and loading my grandma up in the stationwagon and taking Grandma Havens to the doctors. What she remembers was being late for Grandma's appointment and the doctor balling her out because it prevented the doctor from getting a Christmas tree and Christmas shopping . You could imagine my Grandpa Havens and mom growing close as father and daughter could. But there came a day that Grandma Havens was developed cancer. I remember going in to my Grandma Havens bedroom, actually all four of us kids filed in to what it seemed like our final goodbye, I remember hugging my grandma recalling the times we shared birthday parties together. My Grandma's skin yellowed. Soon my Grandma was wisked off to The Galion Hospital, My mom and Grandpa Havens meeting her there while daddy watched us kids in the middle of a wicked thunderstorm. It was an awful night waiting in the livingroom for any news and the next memory that I had was dad coming into our bedroom and telling us Grandma Havens had died. First day of spring 1976. She was only 62. What was so strange was the sun was out that morning. During all the grief, I remember the radio playing "Sara Smile " by Hall and Oats and Grandpa Havens on many occassions, telling grandma to smile. Grandpa Havens had grown even closer to us kids and would remarry, but no one could ever take Grandma Haven's place, nobody can replace another, To us kids, you know Grandpa was our Grandpa and over the years that followed, grandpa would spend time with all of us, from taking us kids fishing, coming over to get the newspaper and chatting with mom and dad. For me, he'd give me transister radios, I'd wear one out, he'd give me another or fix it as he was great at fixing electronics. When I got older, he would lend me his Sha-Na-Na tapes. Grandpa was always smiling, always cheerful and his laugh was contagious. Grandpa Havens was also the type that if something was hit on the road, he'd pull off to the side and drag the animal off , so it wouldn't be as he put it, ground into the pavement. That really is how we acquired one of our cats. Grandpa had pulled off and discovered the cat was still alive and because my sister was studying Veteninarian medicine, he brought the kitty to her to treat. His name was jasper. My brother always joked about Grandpa Havens coming to pick him up from track practice at school in his little Chevy Luv blaring Sha-Na-Na or Lawrence Welk on the radio. He was one of a kind and the best grandpa. The last memory I have of my Grandpa Havens was on a Friday right before I had to go to work in Columbus at Northland Mall and The Crown Hallmark Store. He and my Step grandmother were heading up to Lake Erie as they did many times during the summer. My Mom and dad went up the following day to spend time with Grandpa. My Grandpa and dad would have a long talk, just the two of them out on the boat. Mom and dad came home that Saturday night and told us that grandpa had complained about his leg bothering him. Sunday came, I went to work at nine in the morning, got off at five, came home. Everything was normal for a Sunday night. We all went to bed. The next thing I recall was waking up in dark room, my sister and my mom crying. I went to the door, stepped out and my sister coming to me and saying "Grandpa Died". My mom took it the hardest blaming herself for not staying with him and not being more concerned about his leg. First time in my life, my mom had to be sedated. I remember my Aunt Billie having to call it in. For days after Grandpa Funeral, my mom stayed in bed. Eventually , little by little she regained her strength. She had gone through a bout of depression. Grandpa's death was sudden, it hit all of us hard. Even to this day, after all these years, I still cry thinking back on that day. June 28th 1987. For my dad, first he had lost his Uncle John at the beginning of the month around Father's day, then grandpa both in June 1987. I miss my Grandparents, losing Grandma Havens, never really getting to know her, losing Grandpa so quickly. My dad's mom, grandma Flemming passed in the summer of 1995. We were blessed to at least to have had her until that time I think it was because we grew up just across the way from my mom's parents, seeing them everyday. that made it more difficult for us to loose Grandpa nad Grandma Havens. I believe songs have a way to trigger memories, at least for me. On the day of Grandpa's calling hours, my sister Vickie and I( my older sister was married at the time) were getting ready. Again I had radio going, trying to break my thoughts up when Journey's "Why Can't This Night Go On Forever" came on and the words just cut through the both os us like a knife and we started to cry. Even to this day as I share the song on my blog, the panio tones still go through my body like a jolt , bringing back that memory, same with "Sara Smile" but I can reflect on those memories and focus more on the good memories. The farm has changed , my grand parents house is still there, but not in the family anymore, one day as I am told, a development will take over the old farm. wiping the last of those memories of childhood away. The good memories will always be in my heart and I will always be happy I was part of them.