Still Up And Thinking About You

     After midnight and here I am again up and lonely..lonely for companionship.  How I miss talking to you Stephen.  Thinking back, I miss the days how I looked forward in seeing you because no matter what I always felt better and complete around you.  Time goes by and I just get feeling more down without you.   I wonder if you  understand that if I was able, I'd see you in less than a heartbeat. I feel like I am selfish because I am thinking about how much I miss you and how much my sisters and my parents enjoy having me around sometimes.  I am selfish because I don't seem to give you up because, HONESTLY, I don't want too!!!!!!!!!!!  How you feel about that, I am not sure now since its been several months since you last wrote.
   Since I am a woman and we do odd things like needing to know if a man still cares about them sometimes more than men think we should..well at least this strange woman does.  Everyday I pray to be a better person, to care more , to love more  and give more from the heart.
  Like I have written before in my letters to you Schizz, men have treated me pretty badly over the years, honestly I can be scared and distrustful of them, a lot of times its just maybe talking to a stranger when I bump into them doing shopping, even working on my car, I have an awful time.
  Afraid of being hurt seems to overshadow my emotions, even as the anniversary of Jeff's death comes up Sunday, I can't help but feel let down, even though it wasn't his choice to leave.
  You have and still are the only one I trust and will trust for the rest of my life, don't know how you feel about that but I stay at a distance because I am always afraid. Please don't give up on me.
  Believe it or not, I want to be with you and be happy once again with a companion.
 Well, I am getting tired now, hope and pray you and everyone are are doing ok, thank you for reading this, love and kisses always!

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