Are You Still There Schizz ?

                                                  Yesterday I wrote about the story my son had shared about his dad. Hope everyone enjoyed it, I wanted give some comfort for all your family and especially you Schizz, I know you have times when you share moments like that when you and your family get together and talk about those precious ones all of you loss, especially your mom and dad.  Sorry if it seemed a little impersonal sounding, didn't mean that to come off that way, I thought about how I wrote it.  I have been feeling down these few days since Doris died, my great aunt Wanda isn't doing good either.  Funny how it always comes in threes.  Pat wrote me and told me that her neighbor's grandson had rented my old house  for a  year.  I wish that didn't bother me, don't really know why, only that it just brings memories back.  The kids and I  think about you a great deal, my son tells me how much that Firebird you drove was an awesome car for a Chevy ..Pontiac, mom ..lol.   My daughter seems to follow a lot of your favorite things, so please don't be down and No there isn't any other man in my life.  I do admit I miss you so terribly that I get down on my self and upset.  There isn't a day I don't think of you, love you so much, can't help it, I always pray that God will bring the answer.  You always come to my mind afterwords.
                                               I wish with all my heart I could come see you, only if I knew for sure you wanted me there.  I try to write you everyday, wanting you to know I'll be here as long as you need me and I love and need you so.  I do need you, that never changes, I hope and pray this shows you just a little, I would always give more of myself!    Pray you are having a good day at the office and your family are ok, been so much going on up in your area with the little earthquakes in Conn. 
                                               I want to tell you too that you are a great father too, I know how much heart and soul you put into everything you do, I just can't imagine how much you have in your girl, now I am sure is a beautiful and successful young lady.
                                              I know my kids have great memories of you too, like I said, my daughter does so much of the things you like without me even telling her about them, she remembers, she made that little "doll" for you out of clay, drew that saxophone and that other picture for you before you left Delaware.  My son remembers you teasing him about his shoes, remember he would drive me crazy with getting shoes 2x's bigger than he needed and when he would miss days at school , you told him about how your dad sat you down and had a heart to heart talk about missing school.  They saw you more than they saw there Uncle Carl, my brother, or even their Uncle Mike, my sister's hubby.  No doubt about it, you made an impact on them, so thank you and those thank you's will keep coming for years to come.  At the time of their father's death and when you came into their lives and mine, was more than just "Quincentenary", a  divine blessing!  Not by anyone else, that is for sure!   I will argue that point with anybody as my sister calls me the "Great Debater".   
                                             You and I have a connection that is very strong, my late husband  and I never had.  It wasn't bad, or wrong, we were more like friends, all together different.   What we have is much more stronger, sweeter and spiritually bonding.  Why it has taken me so long to realize it..I wish I knew...I know I just love you!
                                             I will give all I can for you, please take my hand and just lead me, I want you to always!    So when you get home tonight, please imagine me there to give you a hug and a kiss!    I will come see you only if want me too, just say the word...I just need an "afirm"  sometimes it takes a "Ton of bricks" to fall on my head!   Guess I am like "Doubting Thomas",  well in girl form!
I'll write you tomorrow, Stephen..LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!